YOU SAY I DID WHAT?

[CROWN COUNCIL]

Nobody likes to receive criticism, but the way you deal with it determines whether it is a constant source of annoyance or is useful or at least no source of pain.

One thing that is certain is that if you deny the accusation, you will please the critic who will then have an opportunity to restate the criticism and “rub it in” so to speak.

So how do you deal with criticism in a desirable way so as to make it useful?

The first alternative is to admit that the criticism is justified. This totally neutralizes the critic. He might even feel a little disappointed that he doesn’t get to defend his viewpoint. That’s the first option. Even if the criticism is only partially true, you need not go all the way with your admission. You may say it is true that I am late for work, but the bus that I take regularly broke down and we had to wait for a replacement.

If the criticism has to do with a messy office area, you might ask for advice on how the situation could be changed. In any case, the critic will be totally neutralized.

Acknowledgment isn’t appropriate if you agree to something that isn’t true. Among other things it is injurious to your self-esteem. An alternative if the criticism is unwarranted might be called probing. By probing you are asking the critic to clarify his accusation until you understand fully what he is talking about. Then you can decide how to respond. You might respond by saying, “Exactly how have I caused you a problem in this matter?” If your tone of voice is inquiring rather than challenging, this will preserve a friendly atmosphere.

Probing enables you to get the critic’s viewpoint and determine if there is really a legitimate cause for concern or if it is just arbitrary name calling. This enables you to get the information you need to decide how to respond to the critic.

You may find that what at first sounded like a criticism was a reasonable suggestion or expression of concern. At least clarifying your critic’s message can turn a casual complaint into meaningful dialogue.

Putting all this together with these response options makes it possible to have a positive outcome when dealing with any type of criticism. It will be helpful in any case if you can take your self-esteem out of the circuit.

Gregory B. Anderson–director